This is hard… 10

As I sit here in my more than half-empty apartment, I’m trying desperately to lose myself in prep-work for next week. I had asked the office if they could send me over the current projects so I could work on getting up to speed, Thanks to Julliana’s glowing reference , they were more than happy to oblige.


I’ve also found that the previous tenant shared my lovely balcony with a stray cat I’m now calling Suki. She’s visited the door promptly at 6 am, 11 am, and 5 pm each day, gently batting at the door and waiting for a treat and a little purr session.
It took me a couple of days to understand her schedule, she seemed pleased when I finally had things ready for her before she climbed the tree and leaped to my door.

I think she appreciates my attentiveness now.

Until I start work next week, I don’t have much to focus my attention on, so she’s getting a lot of it.

I repainted the kitchen and bathrooms in one day, I’ve started working one room at a time with new décor. Trying to find what exactly is the “new me” I’m trying to represent.

If I hadn’t promised myself that I would no longer drink alone, I would be drunk by now…

It’s hard…


I keep reaching for the phone and wanting to call him about something I’ve just seen, or worse, the phone chimes, and my mind immediately thinks it’s him…despite changing all the ringtones.
Yesterday, while walking through IKEA, my heart skipped a beat when I heard someone’s cellphone go off and I could smell his cologne.

Why do phones all have the same tones? Can’t things just be different?
I think the associate thought I was a freak with how quickly I ignored him and did a complete 360 in the aisle. I don’t blame him. I feel like a freak right now.

It’s just too quiet.
I have nothing to do but let my mind wander and wish he were here.
Last night all I wanted was to crawl into bed with him and curl up in his arms. I want to smell his soap, hear his heartbeat, and feel him breathing as he hugs me.

Last night I actually got cold, I don’t remember the last time I got cold while sleeping… he’s like sleeping with a heating blanket on high… guess I should buy one now.

This was the right choice…

Even if it depresses me.

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