Still breathing… 11

I sit here, working on my self given deadline, and despite how much work I’m doing and how long I sit on conference calls… I keep catching myself waiting for you.

Waiting for you to open the door and peer around the corner with a smile on your face.

To surprise me, and let me act like I don’t care you’re here. Even though my heart leaps every time you open that door.

It’s weird how we get so attached to people.

Despite all my efforts to not fall in love, I fell hard.

My first month in my new position and I am madly in love with my colleagues.

It is by far the best group of motivational and inspirational people I have ever had the pleasure of being around.

They have given me so much encouragement, and one woman especially has shown me so much friendship when I didn’t even realize how badly I needed it.  Sometimes it’s so easy to just be a ghost a runaway from everything that is stressing you out, starting over fresh with a clean slate where no one really knows who you are… but you still know everything.

Your demons still haunt you.

I won’t pretend I have found the best coping mechanism, hiding in work is not what my therapist recommends, but its what is helping me right now.

My apartment finally feels like home, all the boxes are gone, and the bubble wrap is safely hidden from my eager fingers.

I’ve gotten a few messages from him; he’s been trying to check up on me now that my social media feeds look so happy and settled…

I don’t feel like I’m ready to talk to him just yet.


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