Why?…

Wow this year has already been crazy as hell 😬

Seriously.

If you’re unhappy with your life, your job, your relationship, your living situation… why are you staying put? Why are you putting up with it? Why are you accepting defeat?

Why?

I feel like I’ve been the complaint department over the last month. I’ve had people coming to me from all aspects of my life to vent and inform me of situations that have been bothering them. Some of them aren’t really even a part of my life, they just happen to be working around me or near my crews and decided I have a good ear. Most of the time I don’t mind listening to people’s problems, I have no issue with helping someone figure something out or simply being someone who can help them with the load they feel they have on their shoulders.

What irritates me is when I know there is a simple solution to it and try to explain that, and am completely ignored by the people that could help…

It’s like being lost at sea.

And I feel twice as bad because someone has come to me and expressed a concerned or discomfort and I can’t do a thing to help because no one wants to have our backs or listen to my opinion. Might as well be a backstabber and pot stirrer, they get more help and are listened to more clearly than anyone else 🤷🏻‍♀️

And more to that.

If you’re unhappy with how things are, why are you ruining the moral of the ones who are happy? Are you that miserable that you need everyone else to be too? I think my biggest “I need to talk to you” topic lately has been in regards to someone feeling depressed and upset because someone else has been consistently bringing them down with their mumbles and complaints about things as small as “why the hell does so-and-so keep sneezing?” 😂

I mean really. I’ve heard someone complaining about how a guy sneezed 6 times and it annoyed him 😅🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s sad when the spark leaves someone. It’s heartbreaking to watch as someone shrivels up and loses their passion… What can you do to fix that? What can you do when it seems like there is nothing you can do?

-Jen

Always confused…

I needed this.

I needed to sit here and feel the sand beneath my feet, taste the salt in the air and let the breeze clear you from my thoughts.

My phone buzzed right before it died, you texted that you were on your way and apologized for being late. The screen went black before I could read the rest of it… I do miss you. I want to see you… but damn I’m so confused right now.

A couple is walking their dog along the waters edge. She’s splashing in the tide as is comes in and goes out, she’s just a pup and a cute one at that.

I wish my phone was charged. I feel the pull to text you back and tell you where I am, or to go back to the hotel and wait just a little longer for you. But no.

I’m not leaving this spot. Even if I just sit here and cry… I’m staying here…

The couple has walked so far down the beach I can’t see them anymore, but I can still hear the pup barking and playing in the distance.

I wonder what time it is? I have to have been here for at least a half hour or better.

My phone is still dead. Not sure why I even look at it, I know I haven’t charged it. I haven’t left this spot but to scoot back a little bit further from the tide.

I wish you’d just show up and hug me right now. Like you know me well enough to know that I would be here…

It’s so quiet right now.

Emma?

My heart just sunk and I think I’m going to be sick.

What are you doing out here?

Mike?!

I turned to look over my shoulder, and there he stood. His hands in the pocket of his hoodie and his shoulders slightly shrugged like he was feeling a little chilled, or nervous.

How? How did you know I was here?

I’m tossed between feeling scared and yet madly in love with the fact that you showed up and found me here.

He sat down beside me and pulled me close to him in one of those tight “I’ve got you” hugs that always make me melt to pieces with the feeling of safety and comfort.

I took a wrong turn and I saw your car while I was getting turned around. How come you’re not answering your phone? I tried to call you.

It died. And I forgot my charger. I inhaled his cologne as I squeezed his chest closer to me. Fuck.

He kissed my forehead.

So… what are you doing out here?

I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know.

I moved back a bit to the spot I had been sitting in. As much as I want to stay curled up in his arms… I don’t think I can handle it right now.

Hey. I know. I know it’s not easy with us.

But damn Emma, I don’t want to be apart from you. I am happy with you. Do we need more than that?

Do we?

If only I could tell you why this is so hard for me. I want to tell you so much… but right now I just can’t.

But I can’t tell you that right now either… so I don’t.

~A.G~

Are we even still around?

It’s been a long, long time since I sat down and let the voices in my head run freely onto the page (or screen)…

I believe they are starting to question my love for them and if I still care enough about them to ever set them free.

 

So, with that being said.  I’m sitting here sipping on my second cup of green tea while I try to figure out what exactly made me give up and stopped writing so much.    I have an amazing (If I toot my own horn- Toot Toot 😉 lol ) story sitting in my briefcase halfway through the second draft, and countless other notes and partial stories sitting right alongside it.  So why am I not diving into completing them??

I keep saying its “Life” and getting too caught up with working versus relaxing and taking the time to “work” on what I love and what one day I hope will be one of my main sources of financial stability. But the fact is, or what I now have come to terms with, is it’s not “Life” that is throwing a wrench in my brain train, its that I’ve lost my sense of privacy.

I’m a very private writer, I like to lock myself up in my house (or room… or car… or hide in the woods.. lol whichever fuels my thought process) and since I’ve switched jobs and have been spending more time traveling and not really having a set schedule to go by, my mind just doesn’t seem to feel as free as it did when I was home.

It is far beyond time to change that.