Tag: inspiration

Leaving the beach… 5

The drive home no longer feels normal, I left him there, I needed to leave before I broke down any further.

I’m so tired of this weird feeling…

I wish I could define it a little better in my head. Or I wish I didn’t feel it at all. I can’t escape him, he’s in my dreams and in my every thought. Everything I do makes me think of him… It just doesn’t feel ”normal” without him….

Why?

I sat mindlessly at work.

I felt like I was in one of those skits where my body doesn’t move at all but everything around me changes and the world carries on. Per usual no one seemed to notice my mood.

By lunch Mike I had sent me 23 messages. Every time I felt my phone ring and I saw his name, my heart sank in my chests. I couldn’t bring myself to look at them… It’s not that I left him on a bad note, it’s the fact that I left with so much left to say.

Even now I want to pour my every thought into my phone and tell him everything that’s in my head. All the things that scare me, everything that makes me happy, and that loving him is probably the scariest feeling of them all…

But I can’t. I just can’t.

The house is empty and I’ve never noticed how silent these rooms could be until now… I still don’t want to talk to Mike or think about anything that has to do with him right now. I need to decompress and collect myself. He can wait.

The sun is setting and the golden glow is falling perfectly over the gazebo. My painting easel is still set up from the other day, I’m glad that storm didn’t come through last night like I had heard.

I sat there until the moon was high and the only light I had was coming from my string of Christmas lights that run along with the trim on the roof and follow the path to the house. I accomplished little with my canvas, apart from a few erased sketches, blue painted corners, and one pair of ruined jeans.

Walking inside I picked up my phone. 6 more messages…

The last one only says ”Hey, I love you…”

~A.G~

Eager to sit back and relax??

I can’t believe I actually posted that comment… do I even know myself? I’m not the relaxing type lol

Book 3 is well underway and it’s nothing like my Victorian era books. I had been a little worried I would fall into a category and would only be able to write certain things, but then I realised, I am my own category. I write what pulls me, what draws me in and won’t let me go. I write until I feel that story has been released.

Sometimes It’s a full book, sometimes it’s only a page or two, sometimes it’s submitting one article on a topic I recently found interesting.

I write what I feel needs to be written. And right now, a lot is screaming to be read.

So why on earth would I have said I’m read to sit back and relax??? 😅🤦🏻‍♀️

Here’s to new beginnings and realising the ghosts.

Happy July 2020 everyone!

May the year start looking up!

~Jen

Happy New Year everyone

So I’m a week late getting around to telling everyone Happy New Year… deadlines have never been my friend. Lol

I don’t normally do anything for New Years, or any holiday for that matter, but this year I decided to something besides lay around in my bed wishing I could be clocked in and bringing in a better paycheck for the week. Shall we say #workaholic ? Lol

The simple magic that is a fresh Sunrise and a light breeze.

Honestly, my last minute decisions to go lounge on a hotel balcony was definitely a great way to start 2020.

I’m such a creature of habit (in a way) that this was exactly what I needed to jump start the muse for this year 💞

Now to get on with the manuscript I took with me in hopes of “getting some work done” which never happened, because who could work with the sun shinning down on this lovely view ??

Maybe next time the beach and I can work out an arrangement where I split my time evenly between work and play 😜

Until next time my dears.

Jen

I waited for you… 3

I waited for you.

And I told myself that that was the last time I would waste any more moments of my life waiting on you to show up and show me you give a crap about me.

But here I am again.  Waiting.  It’s been almost an hour and I haven’t heard anything from you.  I’ve been replaying last night. How you subtly brushed into me and slipped these keys into my hand and told me that you needed to see me. “I miss you, please.” You texted after you walked away. In that moment my mind ran from excitement to worry, from confusion to comfort…  And now I’m here again, confused, frustrated… hoping…waiting. I can’t convince myself to leave and stop waiting for you. Why can’t I leave you? Why can’t I leave you hanging on the thought that I didn’t show? God, that would be such karmic justice.

These damn keys. I spin them around on my finger until they fly off and fall to the floor board on the passenger side. Ugh!

I get out, go around the car and scoop up the keys. The sky is pitch black making the stars seem brighter than normal and the moon is so engorged I can feel it’s energy. Between the moon and the smell of sea salt in the air… damn you. I get back in the car and slam the door shut, I crack the windows to let the the salt air in and I sit back and I wait.    Lights flash into the parking lot, my heart skips a beat and my breath catches in my throat for split second. You’re here?.. It’s not you, the sedan parks and a couple gets out and carry’s their sleeping child into the hotel lobby.

And just like that, I feel broken. Like you have physically sliced into my heart and I just sit here bleeding. I let you do this, I gave you the power to make me feel small and insignificant.

But dammit! I do miss you. I feel so drawn to you, that I can’t sleep unless I pass out thinking of you beside me.

I’m getting anxious and it’s driving me to sickness, I can’t wait here like this. I turn on my headlights and pull out of the parking lot like I just murdered someone in one of the rooms.

Slow down Emma, you don’t need to bring attention to yourself.

What if you’re parking right now? What if you just passed me and your parking right now? NOPE! I’m not going to think about that, I’m going to keep driving. You’ve still not so much as texted me.

I park outside of a closed shop, I’m better off walking for a bit instead of driving like a mad women down the road. The last thing I need in my life right now is a speeding ticket or a night in jail. Besides that, the sound of the waves, the smell the of sea air and this beautiful sky is screaming for me to enjoy it. It’s calling me to get lost.

And that’s what I need right now… to be lost from you.

 

~A.G

 

 

I support the World Wildlife fund 💕

@world_wildlife 🐋

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My grandparents have been donating to the World wildlife fund for as long as I can remember. We get all our new calendars from the collection my grandma receives every year 😊

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🐯 As for me, I’ve been donating to them and signing petitions since my very first job. The most satisfying place I spend my money (besides the book store 😂).

I like knowing I’m helping and making a difference in the world.

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Normally, I stick to maximising my donation as much as possible and always opt out of the additional “Thank You” gifts. But I’m human, and I love stuffed animals, so every now and then I select a few to receive.

But Bruiser likes a soft plush as much as his mommy does, so I opted to share my April donation with him this time😊

The The World Wildlife Fund is still looking for a few more donations by tomorrow April 22- Earth Day.

If your feeling giving today, help us reach our goal of $3,200 members.

We’re only 38 members away!

Even if you don’t join by tomorrow, give donating a little thought.

We only have one world.

And these animals don’t have a voice.

We’re the only ones who can make a difference

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Jen